Hey friends,
I hope that June is serving you all well! We took Mila (one of my furry friends) to the beach for the first time. It was a blast for her and us to see her have so much fun. And guess what? She wasn’t even afraid to jump in and swim! Sometimes I wish I had Binki and Mila’s bravery because they are two tough girls. What are you guys planning on doing for the summer? Let me know is the comments below!
Today’s blog post won’t be such a fun topic like the beach, but rather a little serious when it comes to the roles that we play in our marriage. Disagreements and the frustrations that come with them are real in all marriages. However, how we react and deal with them are the essential and life-altering stuff that we need to focus on.
I wanted to share some tips on how to overcome these disputes in marriage and hopefully help some of you deal with the hard times. These tips are for husbands and wives alike. However, I am a wife, so they will probably be more understandable to wives.
Without any further ado, let’s get going!
How to overcome disputes in marriage
1. Understand
As spouses facing a disagreement with our partner, we must understand a few things to react godly and kindly.
- We must first understand or remember that we are in marriage to serve God before ourselves. This means that we have to act according to His will no matter what we feel.
- We also need to understand that we are dealing with one of God’s children, so we must be aware of their feelings along with God’s feelings. How would God want you to treat His child?
- We must understand that even though we disagree on something, our spouse probably (and hopefully) doesn’t want to hurt us with their decision.
- We must understand as wives that we are supposed to submit to our husbands, and husbands are supposed to be loving and caring towards their wives. This is probably a controversial statement for some. However, I do stand to say that no matter what role we are in we must be loving and caring.
Note: I know that some people are in marriages where the other partner is ungodly, unwilling to work out the problems, or doesn’t care about their spouse’s feelings. This leads me to my next point on dealing with these issues: PRAYER.
2. Prayer
I have been there many times before, where I feel so frustrated and ready to boil over! However, we mustn’t give in to that desire. Arguing, harsh words and sassy tones will only lead to more problems, and before long, you and your spouse will forget what the main disagreement was all about. Therefore, before you respond to your spouse, I encourage you to stop and pray. Yes, even if your spouse is harsh or selfish!
Prayer is our way of speaking to God. Therefore, go to Him for guidance, courage, strength, and answers. If you can not come to a compromise at that moment, it could be a good idea to agree for both of you to pray about whatever issue y’all are stuck on. Maybe give it a deadline such as a week. This way, the two of you will have some time to pray for guidance and rethink your position on the topic. This may seem frustrating, especially if your impatient (like me)! Trust me, though; it has worked wonders in my marriage! I’ve changed my mind on topics that I thought I was sure about before, and the same thing has happened to Devin.
Pray for your spouse also.
Like I said earlier, some of you may have spouses that are not willing to work out the problems. Or maybe you have a husband that wants to dictate rather than provide. Or perhaps you have a wife that wants to demand rather than submit. All of these are real things that can lead to heartaches and more significant problems. If you identify with any of these scenarios, I want to encourage you to ask God for help. Ask Him to touch your spouse, to show them how to be the spouse that He created them to be. Ask Him to work in you also, to turn you into the spouse that He has created you to be.
Too often, we find faults in others rather than fixing our problems. I know that I am guilty of this at times. It is essential to ask for God to cleanse our hearts first and to open our eyes to see things how he sees them. You would be surprised at how many issues would be fixed by doing this!
3. Check your heart
I know that I just spoke about praying for God to change your mind or fix the way you see things. However, I am sure that there are some topics and issues that you and your spouse disagree on just because you or both of you want to be difficult. We have all been there, where we feel like we want to disagree, even when we don’t care about it all that much anyway! We must remember that this kind of behavior is displeasing to God and selfish. So when you find yourself arguing about something, stop for a moment and ask yourself these questions.
- What do we disagree on?
- How do I honestly feel about this topic/issue?
- Does it mean that much to me for us to be arguing?
- What are my spouse’s reasons for their decision?
- Are they valid and pleasing to God?
- Are my reasons valid and pleasing to God?
- Would God want me to act like this with my spouse?
4. Consider your role in your marriage
God has given us all roles in our lives. They are different and just as important as the next. God has created it to be like this so we can live balanced lives together. I would also like to say that our roles cannot be determined equal because we are on different “playing fields” so to speak. They are so different that there is nothing to compare.
Therefore, I would like to point out that wives need to think about listening to their husbands. Husbands are supposed to provide and protect their wives, while wives are supposed to follow! I suggest asking these question when faced with disputes: Is my strong will damaging my husband’s role as protector and provider? Am I following God’s plan for being a wife? Does my husband feel overpowered by my actions? In some cases, husbands that cannot provide or protect because of their wife’s unwillingness to listen and compromise, turn that role over to the wife and instead adopts the following role. This is detrimental to marriage because God didn’t have it to be that way.
1 Corinthians 11:3(NIV)
3 But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
Also, husbands should consider their wife’s role before making a decision. Husband’s should ask questions like: Is my decision causing distrust with my wife? Does she feel safe with this decision? Am I preventing her from being gently and tender? Making decisions that cause your wife to distrust you or feel scared will sometimes make her feel as though she needs to defend herself. Meaning, she may start to make decisions without you because she is fearful that you are leading her down the wrong path!
Final thoughts
Whoa! That was a lot of heavy stuff we discussed! However, I believe that these are real problems in marriages (including my own) that need to be addressed and fixed. If you don’t read all of my posts, I want you to at least take something from me. Go to God with every problem, heartache, and joy! He will provide you with the guidance, strength, and courage that you need to move forward!
Also, God only wants the best for us all! So do not think that He will make you unhappy or cause something wrong to happen in your life.
For more marriage advice and tips, check out what two years of marriage has taught me! There is one from my husband’s perspective too! Also, consider doing his and her bible studies based on the five love languages books.
I hope that these tips will help you out in some way or another! If you all have any more tips to overcoming disputes in marriage, please leave them in the comments below!
Until next time,
yasmin rose xoxo
