Hey friends,
Recently, Yasmin wrote a post about what two years of marriage has taught her. Since then I thought it would be helpful if I wrote the same from my perspective. I hope that this post of what lessons I learned from two years of marriage is insightful and can give you guys an understanding of the two sides of a marriage.
Lessons I learned in the two years I have been married
1. My spouse is always right.
We all tend as human beings and especially as men (with all our testosterone) to want to be in charge and always right. However, you are not alone anymore; you have a beautiful and great woman beside you. If she weren’t great, then you probably wouldn’t have married her right? Anyway, all that to say she is equal to you, and it stands to reason that if she is equal, then she must make equally as good choices as you do. Some of these choices may be good and bad just like yours. Therefore, when they are good compliment her and when they wrong make sure you use soft words to correct her. Remember this is not just another person you are speaking to; you are talking to “your better half.”
We always need to remember that two wrongs don’t make a right. If you treat your spouse harshly because they are wrong, in turn, you’re wrong for doing so. If both partners can have the mindset that their spouse is always right, then things will go much smoother. Also, we should still acknowledge within ourselves the wrong that we did and take it to God to help with correction.
2. Forgiveness is key
Forgiveness is spoken about so much in everyday life that we take it for granted. We hear that God will forgive us if we repent, we understand that we must learn to forgive others, and even that we must forgive ourselves. However, forgiveness is a serious and very powerful action, and it is vital for a happy and secure marriage.
This means that we need to be intentional when we ask or give forgiveness. We can’t ask for forgiveness if we continue to repeat the same actions over and over, then we become untrustworthy in the eyes of our spouse. Nor can we say we forgive and still hold hate in our hearts, we have to remember that our spouse is only human (like ourselves).
For me, forgiveness is very simple; I quickly weigh the bad and the good in a given situation. If it’s a small incident, then I forgive immediately. However, for the harder scenarios, I compare the hurt to my preset of reasons why I got married and why I love my wife. God quickly reminds me that there isn’t anything that can outweigh my love for my wife and the job that He has given me. Therefore, I quickly forgive, which sets me at peace and creates a happy home and environment.
Remember that in the hardest of situations when all you could feel is hurt and betrail that we must take our problems to God so that he can help and set our hearts and minds at ease.
3. Marriage is really hard work (like really hard)
When my wife and I were getting married, and even before, I always heard that marriage is hard work. I could remember thinking like “what on God’s green beautiful earth are these people talking about?”. Then the incredible journey of marriage hit me, and I finally got what everyone kept going on about.
When I first got married, my mindset was somehow stuck on thinking all I had to do was physical work. Meaning that I thought if I helped my wife around the house and went to work to provide for my family then everything would be peachy. Little did I know I had to put in a lot more work and not the laborious kind. I had to be there physically and emotionally for my wife.
Let me give you an example. Let’s say you work with a few people that are constant stress. At the end of the day, you are going to be mentally and physically spent right? Well, you still have to drag yourself home on a long car ride, not to mention you had a short, restless sleep the night before. So, when you get home, your first thought is to lay in bed and drop to sleep. Well, this is precisely where all the hard work everyone keeps talking about comes in. You are not just “you” anymore; you are only a half to the whole. Therefore, you still need to put effort into and treat your other half good.
After a while, I started to realize that my wife wasn’t asking me to do a whole other work shift at home. All my wife wanted was for me to make some kind gesture to remind her that she was still the love of my life and the most important person I have. She wanted to know that I missed her after a long day of work. Therefore, I had to learn to put my feelings aside and focus on my marriage.
Being selfless is probably one of the hardest things for us to do, but with hard work, it can become easier over time.
4. This is not a race for the swift
I have observed a lot of different relationships in my short time on this earth, and so far I can say without a doubt that marriage is supposed to be for the long run buddy boy. Marriage is among three people; you, your spouse and God. If God is willing and you are the wonderful person I believe you are, then the relationship among the three of you will be a very long and wonderful one. Therefore, I am merely telling you just to slow down and enjoy the journey. There is no hurry.
This is easier said than down, however. For example, I am a person that likes to get up and go. I’m up super early in the morning, but my wife wants to take her time and wake up (I guess it’s the islander in her) and have a chat and let the day happen. Now we refer back to section one because guess what she is always right. These little moments when we stop to smell the roses are what matters at the end when we cross the finish line. No one wants to look back and think oh man I wish I could be next to my spouse right now. God is giving you all these experiences now. So please I advise you to take them and enjoy them.
5. Love, attraction and interest are most important
These components are what a marriage consist of (among some other things too). Marriage is a union; the coming together of two people, two cultures and so much more. Therefore, the magnets that draw these individuals together in this holy bond are love, attraction, and interest. If these aren’t present, I can say with a lot of confidence that the marriage isn’t working. You should be able to look at your spouse or think about them in their absence and thank God that He has given you such a wonderful person to do His work with and to enjoy all that He has made. The loss of any one of these or more is a recipe for disaster. Love is a powerful and deep emotion. It makes you stay when times get tough and makes you selfless when your natural response is to be selfish. If it’s not there, you will act utterly different towards that person when the pressures of life get to you.
Remember love is intentional and true love cannot be faked. Same goes for attraction and interest. Even if you’re an excellent actor and received a lot of awards for your skills, I highly doubt you could keep that up for the rest of your life. Which by the way marriage is supposed to be for… so I suggest you make sure you have these three feelings before moving forward.
Exit notes
There isn’t a real handbook on marriage. We are all different, especially when we come together to form a bond. Therefore, each marriage will always be unpredictable. We can understand that the road won’t be straight and will consist of ups and downs. However, with God as your light and your guide, your path won’t be dark, and you will know that you are safe. So I encourage you to do the small things that make you and your spouse happy on this journey. Since the little things are what make the journey easier. Also, always keep in mind that it is indeed a journey and not a destination or a goal, it is continuous and ever evolving. Therefore, don’t forget to change with it, to grow together, to continue to find the new and exciting ways to love each other and to love God.
Devin
- What two years of marriage taught me {Husband’s view} - November 15, 2018
- Life as we know it is over - November 12, 2018
